hey yo yo hey,
I didn't mean that title in an unfriendly way.
I've just been really really busy lately. Seriously, reading until 4-5am 3 times a week. I've also been working on a project to get the grad students here better funding and I was serving as my friend, Erica's, Karl Rove in her campaign to become the grad student liason to the board of trustees. She won, by the way...WOO-HOOO!!!
What else?
I've been getting closer to my new grrrrlfriends lately and it's been pretty rewarding. I think a couple of them are so much like me, it's scary.
Check it out. I believe that Carolyn, a historian, is my soul mate. I really mean it! When we hang out, we laugh unceasingly. So much that my stomach hurts. Conversation flows like the piss of a drunken man. It's like with you guys! We have the same problems with men. We have the same problem with our breasts not fitting into clothing (we've gone shopping together). And get this--we are to each other the first person we've ever met who can also not burp no matter how hard we try!
I also have become better friends with Juhi, who is in my department. We are critical theorists together. We both rage against the "regurgitation" style of learning to which we are subjected. We bitch about our cohort together. We are both kinda left-wing radical. and haHA! we are both asian, but of different types. She might be my roommate next year.
And there is the 6th Sarah....or maybe she's actually the 4th? Well, I met her 3rd...We've been studying a lot together lately. At the library and on the beach. It's too bad she's in a master's program and thus, won't be here for long. I remember last night we were talking about the lifestyle that ensues after undergrad. It's like life has become increasingly individual. Every day you do everything alone. You have this packed schedule that keeps you busy; you can meet up with friends for lunch and dinner every day, but somehow, everything's still just you, only you, all the time. We are both living alone for the first time ever, too...that seems to figure into the equation. We both try to solve this "loneliness" (is it necessarily loneliness? or just "aloneness" that is not negative in every way, yet creates a noticeable discomfort in life) by mating.
Speaking of mating...I am again (or still? or perpetually) active, but unfulfilled and dissatisfied. But I'm so busy...But I still have needs...yes, the eternal tension.
Was noch, meine Lieblinge?
Haha, so Sarah's in this Nietzsche class, and I have also been assigned much Nietzsche lately. I think I'm really down with him...maybe not on an analytical level because he's kinda inconsistent, but man had some serious issues that I find pretty fascinating. And his stuff is really fun to read...all these little hilarious gems...
I'm actually surprised that I like him so much. In many ways, I think I do a lot of what he thinks people should do...but I want to BE him, too...
--I'm not gonna explain that one.
I'll think of more...and I'll be reading until late, so I'll add it later.
Yes, phone calls are in order soon.
Ok, I have to go to a meeting now.
Bis dann...i mean bis spaeter...
or maybe bis gleich.
monica.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Thanks, Scuzz
I really do love you. I'm sorry I was cold after you decided to go to Yale. I understand that I know nothing about the field of Art History and it is, perhaps, a good idea for you to go there... Really, I was just functioning as the mouthpiece of God. Are we really divorced now? Ok, I'm gonna do my work now, so that I can go to the show. Poolittle says hi.
You know, I noticed lately that everyone I meet seems to take a liking for Poo...I'm starting to think that they use me just to get close to her...how depressing...
Or else, my entire identity is just structured around being the "bunny lady."
Well, I suppose if I never marry, it would be more interesting to be the bunny lady than the cat lady.
Tee-hee, remember how Funker Vogt wears orange polo shirts and baseball caps on stage? priceless, absolutely priceless...
You know, I noticed lately that everyone I meet seems to take a liking for Poo...I'm starting to think that they use me just to get close to her...how depressing...
Or else, my entire identity is just structured around being the "bunny lady."
Well, I suppose if I never marry, it would be more interesting to be the bunny lady than the cat lady.
Tee-hee, remember how Funker Vogt wears orange polo shirts and baseball caps on stage? priceless, absolutely priceless...
Sunday, April 22, 2007
To VNV or not to VNV?
I'm faced with a dilemma.
I just found out today that VNV Nation and And One are playing a show on Wednesday night at the Metro (yeah, the classic Chicago club-venue). This means that I have to scramble to get everything done for theory on Thursday morning by Wednesday @ 7pm or so. Or do I? Should I actually risk being unprepared and tired for class?
This was my youth. This was my scene. This was my passion and my radio playlist for 8 years. Have I lost the will? Have I lost the energy?
There was a time when I would drop everything to see a show like this. I would drive to Detroit, even. Now, I'm thinking that I can't slack for an evening.
What happened?
Do I go with my instinct and dance my cape off? (ha, like I ever wore a cape...how unflattering)
I feel locked in the iron cage of the system--the academic system.
I can't even make the excuse that I would go to "study the subculture," seeing as though I've picked a sub-field that doesn't include clubbing as fieldwork.
Aw hell, I should go, shouldn't I? revive my energy and spunk?
But then again, I've seen VNV like 4 times and And One twice already...
Suz...remember And One and Funker Vogt!??!?
I think I'm going to see Front Line Assembly next month too.
But AHHH!!!!
Do I go? Help me out, guys. I'm gonna collapse now.
Love,
Mon.
BTW: DJ Scary Lady Sarah is spinning between sets...it's been so long since I've been to Nocturna!
I just found out today that VNV Nation and And One are playing a show on Wednesday night at the Metro (yeah, the classic Chicago club-venue). This means that I have to scramble to get everything done for theory on Thursday morning by Wednesday @ 7pm or so. Or do I? Should I actually risk being unprepared and tired for class?
This was my youth. This was my scene. This was my passion and my radio playlist for 8 years. Have I lost the will? Have I lost the energy?
There was a time when I would drop everything to see a show like this. I would drive to Detroit, even. Now, I'm thinking that I can't slack for an evening.
What happened?
Do I go with my instinct and dance my cape off? (ha, like I ever wore a cape...how unflattering)
I feel locked in the iron cage of the system--the academic system.
I can't even make the excuse that I would go to "study the subculture," seeing as though I've picked a sub-field that doesn't include clubbing as fieldwork.
Aw hell, I should go, shouldn't I? revive my energy and spunk?
But then again, I've seen VNV like 4 times and And One twice already...
Suz...remember And One and Funker Vogt!??!?
I think I'm going to see Front Line Assembly next month too.
But AHHH!!!!
Do I go? Help me out, guys. I'm gonna collapse now.
Love,
Mon.
BTW: DJ Scary Lady Sarah is spinning between sets...it's been so long since I've been to Nocturna!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
4/19/07 update
hey there, guys!
i little update since i haven't written one in a few days...
I've been working on this funding initiative thing, which has taken up a lot of time. And I decided to go to this workshop to check out this Adorno talk. So I slacked on work for a couple days and caught up last night.
So right now I'm really tired. like totally pooped. I haven't felt like this in ages. I pulled an all-nighter last night because I didn't start my theory assignment until 6pm or so. and when i started, I was reading really carefully because I thought this one piece was all I had to read...then I looked at the syllabus again and realized the assignment also included another article that was twice as long as the first. I didn't even know where to get it, so I had to emergency call my friend, bijan, who told me. this was around 10pm. so I read a lot and wrote my response paper. Then the sun came up. Now, of course, I was on stimulants so I was ok until the very end (i try not to take too much these days because I think it messes with my brain). I went to class with a big cup of coffee, argued about Weber, had a marvelous lunch with friends, walked home and collapsed. I missed frisbee practice and our game. I woke up after 2 1/2 hours and dragged myself out of bed, had dinner with my friend, Carolyn (who is awesome and might be my roommate next year!). We ate Korean food. I've never had it before...I think I love Korean food! It's light, spicy, not too smelly, and totally delicious. We had these little appetizers that look like sushi, except they have beef, cooked seaweed, and this type of pickled cucumber in it. They were easily the best thing I've eaten this month. Then, I tried to make myself read at the library. It was actually really fun because all the old historian library chums were there (I haven't been there much lately), but I couldn't get anything done because my eyes were all dried out and i couldn't concentrate. So I just got home, and I'm going to sleep. I hope I get everything done quickly after tonight. I have this huge stats assignment (boo), and about 300 pages to read. And I still have plans for every night this weekend. I wish I could say something entertaining right now, but I totally can't.
Wait, I will attach a hilarious picture:
THE SCREAM
i little update since i haven't written one in a few days...
I've been working on this funding initiative thing, which has taken up a lot of time. And I decided to go to this workshop to check out this Adorno talk. So I slacked on work for a couple days and caught up last night.
So right now I'm really tired. like totally pooped. I haven't felt like this in ages. I pulled an all-nighter last night because I didn't start my theory assignment until 6pm or so. and when i started, I was reading really carefully because I thought this one piece was all I had to read...then I looked at the syllabus again and realized the assignment also included another article that was twice as long as the first. I didn't even know where to get it, so I had to emergency call my friend, bijan, who told me. this was around 10pm. so I read a lot and wrote my response paper. Then the sun came up. Now, of course, I was on stimulants so I was ok until the very end (i try not to take too much these days because I think it messes with my brain). I went to class with a big cup of coffee, argued about Weber, had a marvelous lunch with friends, walked home and collapsed. I missed frisbee practice and our game. I woke up after 2 1/2 hours and dragged myself out of bed, had dinner with my friend, Carolyn (who is awesome and might be my roommate next year!). We ate Korean food. I've never had it before...I think I love Korean food! It's light, spicy, not too smelly, and totally delicious. We had these little appetizers that look like sushi, except they have beef, cooked seaweed, and this type of pickled cucumber in it. They were easily the best thing I've eaten this month. Then, I tried to make myself read at the library. It was actually really fun because all the old historian library chums were there (I haven't been there much lately), but I couldn't get anything done because my eyes were all dried out and i couldn't concentrate. So I just got home, and I'm going to sleep. I hope I get everything done quickly after tonight. I have this huge stats assignment (boo), and about 300 pages to read. And I still have plans for every night this weekend. I wish I could say something entertaining right now, but I totally can't.
Wait, I will attach a hilarious picture:
THE SCREAM
Monday, April 16, 2007
Stalinize!
to stalinize: to take control of a collective gathering in an authoritarian manner (esp. after the loss of legitimate authority); to violently usurp a leadership role in the absence of legitimate authority in the interest of efficiency, focusing on "ends" and paying little attention to "means"; to kill kulaks who don't understand why they are counter-revolutionary.
note: "To stalinize" should not be confused with the ideological movement known as "Stalinization," which began in Russia around 1923.
ex.
Monica must stalinize today to ensure that a certain meeting ends in a timely manner because she still has a paper to finish.
Not really, right? Watch me, I'll be patient as a kindergarten teacher and quiet as a bunny.
riiiight....
p.s. - Di$h, in response to your blog, on which I am not allowed to comment: Do you remember our conversation about your bro last time I was in NY? heh...eheheheh....
However, it is ALWAYS great to know "that guy" who will say whatever he wants all the time, constantly refusing to heed to "convention" or courtesy. So entertaining...
note: "To stalinize" should not be confused with the ideological movement known as "Stalinization," which began in Russia around 1923.
ex.
Monica must stalinize today to ensure that a certain meeting ends in a timely manner because she still has a paper to finish.
Not really, right? Watch me, I'll be patient as a kindergarten teacher and quiet as a bunny.
riiiight....
p.s. - Di$h, in response to your blog, on which I am not allowed to comment: Do you remember our conversation about your bro last time I was in NY? heh...eheheheh....
However, it is ALWAYS great to know "that guy" who will say whatever he wants all the time, constantly refusing to heed to "convention" or courtesy. So entertaining...
Friday, April 13, 2007
DI$H!
Congrats on the New School!!
Actually, I think you should go there, not NYU...unless, of course, the NYU funding thing is really enticing.
stay experimental...
don't let the hegemon crush your creativity (like I'm allowed to talk, huh?)
I just found out that Zizek was a visiting professor here at Chicago just a few years ago...I can't believe I missed that train.
Actually, I think you should go there, not NYU...unless, of course, the NYU funding thing is really enticing.
stay experimental...
don't let the hegemon crush your creativity (like I'm allowed to talk, huh?)
I just found out that Zizek was a visiting professor here at Chicago just a few years ago...I can't believe I missed that train.
4/13/07
So Suzy is not coming here...
I suppose I am disappointed, but I respect her decision.
I am trying to get over my hangover. I played too much Beirut last night, and now I feel like shit...I have no choice but to call tonight an "in" night.
Rich, I will listen to the song later, I swear. I've just been....distracted. But I'm sure that if you adjusted it the way we talked about, it should be BRILLIANT.
and OMG, andrea (who some of you know, but probably doesn't read this) is now considering ditching the analytic philosophy and venturing into the sociology of knowledge! yeeeah! ::applause::
That's right, knowledge is socially determined....we all know it. =)
Anyway, it was interesting to get an email from her asking for literature on the topic after seeing Ian Hacking speak this afternoon...
For those of you unfamiliar, he is an "analytic" philosopher who is SO all too aware that knowledge is a purely social phenomenon...
what's really interesting is that in order to preserve his esteem within analytic philosophy, he has decided to divide "truth" into "truth" and "truthfulness." Truth exists as a purely formal concept, a timeless, static truth (see? he can keep insisting that there is a static truth)....truthfulness is socialized knowledge....and uh, he seems only to be concerned with truthfulness anyway...
What's a little dissatisfying though, is that he can't really speak to the relationship between truth and truthfulness nor adequately define what he means by static "truth"...
someone raised the question (kinda sorta, not so directly), and he basically dodged it! He also defined this static "truth" in three different ways that don't really jive with each other....
And he even talked about his admiration for Bruno LaTour, who is a, excuse me, THE sociologist of science and is totally able to integrate objective truth (or the object of inquiry in its observable properties) into the social process of knowledge creation...
Man, I wish Hacking would tell us how he thinks "truth" and "truthfulness" interact with or intersect each other....really, anything about how the observable properties of the object of inquiry fit into his theory of "truthfulness" would be much appreicated.
wow...that may have been confusing to you guys, especially because I didn't explain anything very fully, but it felt good to write it down as a note-to-self.
what else?
I think my advisor/theory professor really heeded to my suggestions about the way class should be run, and now, we are encouraged to discuss the pieces more freely, and I'm having more fun. Recently, I started to doubt that he liked me very much (because I get all anxious like that sometimes), but I'm starting to get the impression that he actually likes and respects me very much, but feels like he has to slow me down in class because some people aren't as into it as I am and don't have a theory background, so they aren't ready to skip clarification and jump into critique and theoretical manipulation.
um...i haven't done homework in 2 days.
fuck it, I'm just going to sit around and think about things i like to think about....
dammit.
love love love,
monica.
I suppose I am disappointed, but I respect her decision.
I am trying to get over my hangover. I played too much Beirut last night, and now I feel like shit...I have no choice but to call tonight an "in" night.
Rich, I will listen to the song later, I swear. I've just been....distracted. But I'm sure that if you adjusted it the way we talked about, it should be BRILLIANT.
and OMG, andrea (who some of you know, but probably doesn't read this) is now considering ditching the analytic philosophy and venturing into the sociology of knowledge! yeeeah! ::applause::
That's right, knowledge is socially determined....we all know it. =)
Anyway, it was interesting to get an email from her asking for literature on the topic after seeing Ian Hacking speak this afternoon...
For those of you unfamiliar, he is an "analytic" philosopher who is SO all too aware that knowledge is a purely social phenomenon...
what's really interesting is that in order to preserve his esteem within analytic philosophy, he has decided to divide "truth" into "truth" and "truthfulness." Truth exists as a purely formal concept, a timeless, static truth (see? he can keep insisting that there is a static truth)....truthfulness is socialized knowledge....and uh, he seems only to be concerned with truthfulness anyway...
What's a little dissatisfying though, is that he can't really speak to the relationship between truth and truthfulness nor adequately define what he means by static "truth"...
someone raised the question (kinda sorta, not so directly), and he basically dodged it! He also defined this static "truth" in three different ways that don't really jive with each other....
And he even talked about his admiration for Bruno LaTour, who is a, excuse me, THE sociologist of science and is totally able to integrate objective truth (or the object of inquiry in its observable properties) into the social process of knowledge creation...
Man, I wish Hacking would tell us how he thinks "truth" and "truthfulness" interact with or intersect each other....really, anything about how the observable properties of the object of inquiry fit into his theory of "truthfulness" would be much appreicated.
wow...that may have been confusing to you guys, especially because I didn't explain anything very fully, but it felt good to write it down as a note-to-self.
what else?
I think my advisor/theory professor really heeded to my suggestions about the way class should be run, and now, we are encouraged to discuss the pieces more freely, and I'm having more fun. Recently, I started to doubt that he liked me very much (because I get all anxious like that sometimes), but I'm starting to get the impression that he actually likes and respects me very much, but feels like he has to slow me down in class because some people aren't as into it as I am and don't have a theory background, so they aren't ready to skip clarification and jump into critique and theoretical manipulation.
um...i haven't done homework in 2 days.
fuck it, I'm just going to sit around and think about things i like to think about....
dammit.
love love love,
monica.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
oh, right, and Di$hie...
CONGRATS ON NYU!!!!
see you in August...but sooner if you come here...
actually, maybe i will pass by NYC on my way to Canada earlier in the summer...
aw, hell.
I have to start re-reading the "Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism."
you know, this will be my 3rd time reading it in English.
It was the first social theory text I read in German and I spent a whole semester trudging through it with Huff.
So, it will be my 4th time reading it overall.
Maybe I should talk to my department about this required theory class...
I think that when one has already read every single item on the syllabus--often numerous times--one should be excused from it, even though it is always good to relearn things.
I guess I never read Freud's early works on psychoanalysis....i guess i will be excited when that comes....
I guess just to be honest...i'm complaining because I really don't like protestant ethic...
It's sorta not that cool...I can't even visualize wondrous things as I read it...
It's a little too real, yet it's still wrong.
I suppose I would still have sex with Weber on principle though....even though I heard he had some sexual dysfunction...I bet I could cure it.
ok, work. Right.
Monica.
see you in August...but sooner if you come here...
actually, maybe i will pass by NYC on my way to Canada earlier in the summer...
aw, hell.
I have to start re-reading the "Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism."
you know, this will be my 3rd time reading it in English.
It was the first social theory text I read in German and I spent a whole semester trudging through it with Huff.
So, it will be my 4th time reading it overall.
Maybe I should talk to my department about this required theory class...
I think that when one has already read every single item on the syllabus--often numerous times--one should be excused from it, even though it is always good to relearn things.
I guess I never read Freud's early works on psychoanalysis....i guess i will be excited when that comes....
I guess just to be honest...i'm complaining because I really don't like protestant ethic...
It's sorta not that cool...I can't even visualize wondrous things as I read it...
It's a little too real, yet it's still wrong.
I suppose I would still have sex with Weber on principle though....even though I heard he had some sexual dysfunction...I bet I could cure it.
ok, work. Right.
Monica.
And so quickly comes my spouse, and so quickly she leaves...
I was really happy when suzy was here.
She came, and I turned over a new leaf. I started to have fun again and bullshit around and tell bad jokes and be crazy...
Now, I can't help but to feel I have been left in the pit that is the University of Chicago. Intellectually fulfilled, socially disappointed. I know that I belong here to an extent, but godammit, I only smile half as much as I should...
I ate too much food while she was here. Now I have a fridge full of goodies...
perhaps I will turn into that 515 pound 19-year old guy who ate to comfort himself and then finally got one of those stomach-ring surgeries. He got to be on Jane Pauley and NPR!
I suppose I know that I should not be so sad right now.
I suppose that she will make her grad school decision independent of my urgings...and I will not encourage her to make an incorrect intellectual or academic decision (not that that exists when one chooses between 2 top programs) because we could have a lot of fun here and have a fabulous apartment...
but come on...
she's my spouse.
we're spice.
If she doesn't come here, it's tantamount to divorce.
We will emotionally scar our love child, poolittle.
nuff said,
monica.
oh shit, i have 30 library books overdue...
kill me.
She came, and I turned over a new leaf. I started to have fun again and bullshit around and tell bad jokes and be crazy...
Now, I can't help but to feel I have been left in the pit that is the University of Chicago. Intellectually fulfilled, socially disappointed. I know that I belong here to an extent, but godammit, I only smile half as much as I should...
I ate too much food while she was here. Now I have a fridge full of goodies...
perhaps I will turn into that 515 pound 19-year old guy who ate to comfort himself and then finally got one of those stomach-ring surgeries. He got to be on Jane Pauley and NPR!
I suppose I know that I should not be so sad right now.
I suppose that she will make her grad school decision independent of my urgings...and I will not encourage her to make an incorrect intellectual or academic decision (not that that exists when one chooses between 2 top programs) because we could have a lot of fun here and have a fabulous apartment...
but come on...
she's my spouse.
we're spice.
If she doesn't come here, it's tantamount to divorce.
We will emotionally scar our love child, poolittle.
nuff said,
monica.
oh shit, i have 30 library books overdue...
kill me.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Suzy kommt hierher!
I'm going to shower, then read a little, then i will be done and i will go run some errands and pick suzy up. I hear she's bringing me bagels...the ones here are really gross. we only have einsteins, you know? One time, I got a blueberry one and i was actually really hungry, but i couldn't even force myself to consume it.
We shall then go around 10 to the local university dive bar, and hopefully many others will meet us there. In the next 48 hours she will become convinced that chicago is better than yale any day. Even if I have to lie to convince her of it.
tschuess!
monica.
We shall then go around 10 to the local university dive bar, and hopefully many others will meet us there. In the next 48 hours she will become convinced that chicago is better than yale any day. Even if I have to lie to convince her of it.
tschuess!
monica.
Happy Easter. Here is an article from the AP Wire about bunnies and Jesus
It may not have been as gruesome as Mel Gibson's movie, but many parents and children got upset when a church trying to teach about Jesus' crucifixion performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs.
People who attended Saturday's show at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, "There is no Easter bunny," and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.
Melissa Salzmann, who brought her 4-year-old son J.T., said the program was inappropriate for young children. "He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped," Salzmann said.
Patty Bickerton, the youth minister at Glassport Assembly of God, said the performance wasn't meant to be offensive. Bickerton portrayed the Easter rabbit and said she tried to act with a tone of irreverence.
"The program was for all ages, not just the kids. We wanted to convey that Easter is not just about the Easter bunny, it is about Jesus Christ," Bickerton said.
Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman, said Jennifer Norelli-Burke, another parent who saw the show in Glassport, a community about 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.
"It was very disturbing," Norelli-Burke said. "I could not believe what I saw. It wasn't anything I was expecting."
People who attended Saturday's show at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, "There is no Easter bunny," and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.
Melissa Salzmann, who brought her 4-year-old son J.T., said the program was inappropriate for young children. "He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped," Salzmann said.
Patty Bickerton, the youth minister at Glassport Assembly of God, said the performance wasn't meant to be offensive. Bickerton portrayed the Easter rabbit and said she tried to act with a tone of irreverence.
"The program was for all ages, not just the kids. We wanted to convey that Easter is not just about the Easter bunny, it is about Jesus Christ," Bickerton said.
Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman, said Jennifer Norelli-Burke, another parent who saw the show in Glassport, a community about 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.
"It was very disturbing," Norelli-Burke said. "I could not believe what I saw. It wasn't anything I was expecting."
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Trust (procrastination while writing about relative surplus-value, sorry for any possible Marxist writing style)
Wow, I can't believe how little I've accomplished today. I am sorry you will all be subjected to my meditations on social life once more.
Anyway, I have been reflecting on life more and I think I've come to to a conclusion as to why I'm so socially dissatisfied right now.
The problem, as I see it, also happens to be the most fundamental classic sociological dilemma--the development of trust. I am uncomfortable right now because I haven't yet developed a close, cohesive circle of friends. I have good friends, perhaps a lot of good friends, but they are spread all over the university and all over the city and belong to various social circles. I remember in Oberlin and in Berlin, I had a circle. What does that mean? That in those contexts, relationship outweighs activity. I would rather do "nothing" with the circle or people from that circle than do "anything and everything" with other people. I didn't need excitement because I was satisfied with life as it was. I didn't feel compelled to drink myself silly, be the life of the party, or date to an almost unmanageable level because I didn't need that false sense of security and confidence. I didn't feel like I had to impress anybody with any part of myself. My qualities and flaws were just there, unconstrained, and on the table. I had the entitlement to just call my friends up and say "hey, wanna come over and hang out?" without having any sort of activity planned--and it was ok.
What does it take to develop that circle? Trust. Trust in other people and trust in yourself. Trust that you're ok to them; your foibles are your uniqueness and thus, only make you a better person. Trust that they like you enough, so much that you don't ever have to second-guess your words and actions. And that true type of self-assuredness or self-trust is what makes you confident, all the more likeable, and actually happy.
So how do we develop trust? There's the problem...nobody's ever been able to figure that one out. What do you have to give of yourself, what social risks do you have to take in order to do your part in establishing a trusting relationship? What parts of yourself with which you are uncomfortable do you have to uncloak before someone can reciprocally uncloak their own insecurities, and thus, seal the second half of the deal? After you have a 1:1, how do you get a network of trust? Trust among people and not only between, which is important because the trust-among amplifies each element of trust-between. I know only that these processes take time, but really, they are a combination of time and effort and perhaps also fortune or accident. I am compelled to believe that if I can amplify the effort, it will take less time and less accident, but right, like I already said, the nature of the requisite effort is unclear. And if you overstep, take too many or the wrong risks, you're asking for some serious trauma.
So do I wait? I suppose that's fair. I've been here since september, and I know 6 months or whatever is not really enough time to find people you want to trust, and to learn to trust them. But the time in "purgatory" is rather uncomfortable and I rage against it uncontrollably...
wow, what a strange, melancholic day...but don't be alarmed. I'm not actually sad right now, just actively reflecting and confronting my life.
I think I will have to forego the analysis of crime and societal injustice. I don't giva shit about a car window. $80 won't kill me, and I am quite sure (the circumstances of my life) - ($80 + 2 days of having a solid car) are still vastly more fortunate than those of the people who were compelled to disrupt my private property. To level off injustice-through-unearned advantage is certainly ok, even though it sucks personally.
I suppose grad school is teaching me that these mega-social activist macro issues are pretty sexy, but I don't honestly care about them in any deep way (kinda like sex with a male supermodel, heh). My reflex and obsession is to think about the experience of the individual as constructed by the social, not institutions, economic systems and governmental structures, etc.etc.etc., persay. I am obsessed with my own life--just like everyone else in the world, whether they admit it or not.
To conclude, I think that for those of you who are far away (really, to anyone reading it, then), who read this because we have trust from Oberlin or Berlin times, THANKS, THANKS A TON. I have not met others as fabulous as you. You're real; you made me real.
Anyway, I have been reflecting on life more and I think I've come to to a conclusion as to why I'm so socially dissatisfied right now.
The problem, as I see it, also happens to be the most fundamental classic sociological dilemma--the development of trust. I am uncomfortable right now because I haven't yet developed a close, cohesive circle of friends. I have good friends, perhaps a lot of good friends, but they are spread all over the university and all over the city and belong to various social circles. I remember in Oberlin and in Berlin, I had a circle. What does that mean? That in those contexts, relationship outweighs activity. I would rather do "nothing" with the circle or people from that circle than do "anything and everything" with other people. I didn't need excitement because I was satisfied with life as it was. I didn't feel compelled to drink myself silly, be the life of the party, or date to an almost unmanageable level because I didn't need that false sense of security and confidence. I didn't feel like I had to impress anybody with any part of myself. My qualities and flaws were just there, unconstrained, and on the table. I had the entitlement to just call my friends up and say "hey, wanna come over and hang out?" without having any sort of activity planned--and it was ok.
What does it take to develop that circle? Trust. Trust in other people and trust in yourself. Trust that you're ok to them; your foibles are your uniqueness and thus, only make you a better person. Trust that they like you enough, so much that you don't ever have to second-guess your words and actions. And that true type of self-assuredness or self-trust is what makes you confident, all the more likeable, and actually happy.
So how do we develop trust? There's the problem...nobody's ever been able to figure that one out. What do you have to give of yourself, what social risks do you have to take in order to do your part in establishing a trusting relationship? What parts of yourself with which you are uncomfortable do you have to uncloak before someone can reciprocally uncloak their own insecurities, and thus, seal the second half of the deal? After you have a 1:1, how do you get a network of trust? Trust among people and not only between, which is important because the trust-among amplifies each element of trust-between. I know only that these processes take time, but really, they are a combination of time and effort and perhaps also fortune or accident. I am compelled to believe that if I can amplify the effort, it will take less time and less accident, but right, like I already said, the nature of the requisite effort is unclear. And if you overstep, take too many or the wrong risks, you're asking for some serious trauma.
So do I wait? I suppose that's fair. I've been here since september, and I know 6 months or whatever is not really enough time to find people you want to trust, and to learn to trust them. But the time in "purgatory" is rather uncomfortable and I rage against it uncontrollably...
wow, what a strange, melancholic day...but don't be alarmed. I'm not actually sad right now, just actively reflecting and confronting my life.
I think I will have to forego the analysis of crime and societal injustice. I don't giva shit about a car window. $80 won't kill me, and I am quite sure (the circumstances of my life) - ($80 + 2 days of having a solid car) are still vastly more fortunate than those of the people who were compelled to disrupt my private property. To level off injustice-through-unearned advantage is certainly ok, even though it sucks personally.
I suppose grad school is teaching me that these mega-social activist macro issues are pretty sexy, but I don't honestly care about them in any deep way (kinda like sex with a male supermodel, heh). My reflex and obsession is to think about the experience of the individual as constructed by the social, not institutions, economic systems and governmental structures, etc.etc.etc., persay. I am obsessed with my own life--just like everyone else in the world, whether they admit it or not.
To conclude, I think that for those of you who are far away (really, to anyone reading it, then), who read this because we have trust from Oberlin or Berlin times, THANKS, THANKS A TON. I have not met others as fabulous as you. You're real; you made me real.
window repair
and so one place quoted the window at $253, then the second place quoted it at $80.
I will have to wait until monday. However, it should take under an hour, and since the repair shop is in Pilsen, Suzy and I should be able to go to the fabulously delicious Mexican restaurant afterwards for lunch.
note to self: for my sociological assessment of this issue, look into the economy that has emerged around window repair after someone breaks into your car. i am bitter.
And as I'm tying to work...
there's a car right outside my window with a clear alarm problem. seriously, the alarm has been going off for two hours. beep, beep, beep, beep. Every couple of minutes, someone turns it off...and then 30 seconds later, it starts again.
On a day when i discover the violation of my own car, it really sucks to encounter this "symbol." this may mean i have to go to the library, even though I wanted to be homely today. there is no quiet to be secured here.
oh my god, it just started again...please kill me.
I will have to wait until monday. However, it should take under an hour, and since the repair shop is in Pilsen, Suzy and I should be able to go to the fabulously delicious Mexican restaurant afterwards for lunch.
note to self: for my sociological assessment of this issue, look into the economy that has emerged around window repair after someone breaks into your car. i am bitter.
And as I'm tying to work...
there's a car right outside my window with a clear alarm problem. seriously, the alarm has been going off for two hours. beep, beep, beep, beep. Every couple of minutes, someone turns it off...and then 30 seconds later, it starts again.
On a day when i discover the violation of my own car, it really sucks to encounter this "symbol." this may mean i have to go to the library, even though I wanted to be homely today. there is no quiet to be secured here.
oh my god, it just started again...please kill me.
Someone broke into my car
like the end of this week needed to get worse, right?
My car was parked on Lake Shore Dr. for the past couple of days. Someone broke the back small window and looked for things to steal. Fortunately, my car is full of trash, shoes i don't wear, umbrellas, etc. etc. and there is nothing of value except maybe tampons, old unopened chewing gum, and a small hot wheels Hummer. Unfortunately, my car window is broken and i need to find a body shop somewhere around here.
I am quite angry and I feel somewhat violated and unsafe--especially because everyone I've told so far (like 3 people) have had this exact break-in happen to them, 2/3 in Hyde Park. Man, the university lies pretty hard about crime rates, doesn't it? After I finish my last Marx paper later today, I will comment on this occurence from a sociological perspective in order to place blame on someone for it and figure out how one rationally responds to it.
Otherwise--MISS HARLO! So glad you are keeping up w/ this online temple of Monica's self-obsession! (I didn't see your comment until today) I wish only to be hot enough to join the ranks of the hot society. Are you moving to Boston? or are you going to remain a New Yorker forever (which, honestly, is what I always expected)?
SCHMOOOOZY, MY BOOOOZY....haha, I mean scuzzzzz. Glad you like it as well! You should blog too in the good-ole law office. could keep ya entertained. I see you soon. hopefully, the car window will be fixed before tomorrow, but i really really doubt it, since there are probably no body shop places open saturday evening and sunday. I think there will be some ghetto-tape action going on until after you leave.
And Rich, eat a Dada falafel for me, and one for Sarah. Bitte schoen.
feeling surprisingly better after writing this.
hugs!
monica.
My car was parked on Lake Shore Dr. for the past couple of days. Someone broke the back small window and looked for things to steal. Fortunately, my car is full of trash, shoes i don't wear, umbrellas, etc. etc. and there is nothing of value except maybe tampons, old unopened chewing gum, and a small hot wheels Hummer. Unfortunately, my car window is broken and i need to find a body shop somewhere around here.
I am quite angry and I feel somewhat violated and unsafe--especially because everyone I've told so far (like 3 people) have had this exact break-in happen to them, 2/3 in Hyde Park. Man, the university lies pretty hard about crime rates, doesn't it? After I finish my last Marx paper later today, I will comment on this occurence from a sociological perspective in order to place blame on someone for it and figure out how one rationally responds to it.
Otherwise--MISS HARLO! So glad you are keeping up w/ this online temple of Monica's self-obsession! (I didn't see your comment until today) I wish only to be hot enough to join the ranks of the hot society. Are you moving to Boston? or are you going to remain a New Yorker forever (which, honestly, is what I always expected)?
SCHMOOOOZY, MY BOOOOZY....haha, I mean scuzzzzz. Glad you like it as well! You should blog too in the good-ole law office. could keep ya entertained. I see you soon. hopefully, the car window will be fixed before tomorrow, but i really really doubt it, since there are probably no body shop places open saturday evening and sunday. I think there will be some ghetto-tape action going on until after you leave.
And Rich, eat a Dada falafel for me, and one for Sarah. Bitte schoen.
feeling surprisingly better after writing this.
hugs!
monica.
so i'm not drunk anymore.
i think I should resist erasing the last post so that I have an artifact of monica drunkenness. If you didn't read it yet, don't read it now.
a couple positive notes from last night:
I got to see a bunch of my friends.
I met a couple people in a class of mine that is full of people I don't know. One studies the history of fashion, which i think is really cool. The other lived in Berlin-Prenzlauer Berg, off of Danzigerstrasse and studied at HU. We bonded over our mutual pining for Dada Falafel. We reminisced over the joy of playing in Volkspark Friedrichshain. Her last name is Panzer--come on, how cool is that?
I met another girl in the History Dept. that was Oberlin '01. The funniest thing about all 3 of them? all named Sarah. I now know 6 Sarah's here. So many princesses!
lessons learned (or re-learned):
do not skip dinner before embarking on a night of drinking
do not pre-drink
do not drink more than 2 drinks in 3 hours--EVER.
do not talk about personal things with strangers while drunk.
I am not in college anymore, and I am now too old to see myself as boring just because I didn't go out one weekend.
alcohol is actually a mind-altering depressant, not just a party favor.
peace,
$.
a couple positive notes from last night:
I got to see a bunch of my friends.
I met a couple people in a class of mine that is full of people I don't know. One studies the history of fashion, which i think is really cool. The other lived in Berlin-Prenzlauer Berg, off of Danzigerstrasse and studied at HU. We bonded over our mutual pining for Dada Falafel. We reminisced over the joy of playing in Volkspark Friedrichshain. Her last name is Panzer--come on, how cool is that?
I met another girl in the History Dept. that was Oberlin '01. The funniest thing about all 3 of them? all named Sarah. I now know 6 Sarah's here. So many princesses!
lessons learned (or re-learned):
do not skip dinner before embarking on a night of drinking
do not pre-drink
do not drink more than 2 drinks in 3 hours--EVER.
do not talk about personal things with strangers while drunk.
I am not in college anymore, and I am now too old to see myself as boring just because I didn't go out one weekend.
alcohol is actually a mind-altering depressant, not just a party favor.
peace,
$.
Friday, April 6, 2007
4/6-7 update (i am drunk)
maybe that means that i will be very honest about life and make a lot of spelling errors.
but anyway...
I finished Capital I today. It took a long time and i was disturbingly focused for most of the day.
I just got back from a party...i suppose it was fine.
I met a guy from Azerbaijan....did i spell that right?
i think that's really cool--never met anyone from there before!
Why is it in life, you can have so much of what you don't want (but kinda want), but you can never have what you really want?
I'm starting to think that I got really strangely vain in the last year, started to think i'm hot shit (kinda half-way) in one way or another, but it's not really true. it's like the facade has changed, but i really don't see life or feel life any differently than when i was in college and I sorta new that guys wanted to sleep with me, but i wasn't sure or was afraid to do it. and i was good at other things that were independent...so, I worked; now, i work, and I try to find fulfillment in it....which does work, because i do love it, but it's not life, you know? just...activity. there's something about being human, sensuousness, connection, that is pretty hard to fulfill when the context isn't right. Why is it that when i want it, i can't get it or pursue it? but when i don;t want it, it falls in my lap?
I think that soemtimes, i project this sort of confident attitude or over-sociability that leads to misunderstanding about who i am. I dunno....wow....this doesn't make any sense anymore, does it? well, at least it's honest....not structured....not conscious....but honest, free-association, drunken, disappointed. going to puke.
i forgot to eat dinner before going to this party and then i had 2 1/2 drinks. i got DRUNK. I hate that. cheap date/bad companion, right?
I'm trying to eat now, but i really want to puke.
i think i might have an easter egg hunt on sunday...my bunny would lead all the people to the eggs filled with chocolate.
you know....i'm sorta socially dissatisfied right now...
my bunny is eating my pretzel, which is ok because i done't want to eat it anyway....but is at the same time not ok because it might kill her.
i hope she doesn't die.
i will give her water to counteract the sodium.
then i wil wallow in drunken self-pity.
on to the library tomorrow, to finish my work til tuesday and be ready for suzy when she comes...
i think i'm really going ot puke.
love,
$.
but anyway...
I finished Capital I today. It took a long time and i was disturbingly focused for most of the day.
I just got back from a party...i suppose it was fine.
I met a guy from Azerbaijan....did i spell that right?
i think that's really cool--never met anyone from there before!
Why is it in life, you can have so much of what you don't want (but kinda want), but you can never have what you really want?
I'm starting to think that I got really strangely vain in the last year, started to think i'm hot shit (kinda half-way) in one way or another, but it's not really true. it's like the facade has changed, but i really don't see life or feel life any differently than when i was in college and I sorta new that guys wanted to sleep with me, but i wasn't sure or was afraid to do it. and i was good at other things that were independent...so, I worked; now, i work, and I try to find fulfillment in it....which does work, because i do love it, but it's not life, you know? just...activity. there's something about being human, sensuousness, connection, that is pretty hard to fulfill when the context isn't right. Why is it that when i want it, i can't get it or pursue it? but when i don;t want it, it falls in my lap?
I think that soemtimes, i project this sort of confident attitude or over-sociability that leads to misunderstanding about who i am. I dunno....wow....this doesn't make any sense anymore, does it? well, at least it's honest....not structured....not conscious....but honest, free-association, drunken, disappointed. going to puke.
i forgot to eat dinner before going to this party and then i had 2 1/2 drinks. i got DRUNK. I hate that. cheap date/bad companion, right?
I'm trying to eat now, but i really want to puke.
i think i might have an easter egg hunt on sunday...my bunny would lead all the people to the eggs filled with chocolate.
you know....i'm sorta socially dissatisfied right now...
my bunny is eating my pretzel, which is ok because i done't want to eat it anyway....but is at the same time not ok because it might kill her.
i hope she doesn't die.
i will give her water to counteract the sodium.
then i wil wallow in drunken self-pity.
on to the library tomorrow, to finish my work til tuesday and be ready for suzy when she comes...
i think i'm really going ot puke.
love,
$.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
To redress the negativity of my last note...
here are pictures of cute bunnies that do not belong to me.
This one weighs 22 pounds.
This one weighs 22 pounds.
update 4/5 - a bad day...
So I got up today after an unfulfilling 3 hours of sleep and went to class. I was really excited about talking about Commodity Fetishism...
but then I learned nothing new and didn't even get to visualize the stratum of things having social relations above the society of alienated people.
So now I have to read the rest of Capital I and I don't really want to.
It's funny how sometimes when I'm tired, I get really talkative and energetic...it's like running on fumes or something...I had a really nice, long lunch with a couple friends, then ran some errands and saw many many more wonderful people...and then I died when I tried to start reading...maybe it was trying to read at the business school that killed me. Maybe I'm just sick of Marx now.
Then people started to get "in the way." you know that feeling? When every time you turn around, some stranger's all up in your piece. It's like you forget the fact that you don't own the world and things/space must be shared--what a bad communist sympathizer I've become!
Funny though, I think I'm still good at smiling on these days...it's sort of like my social reflex.
And I try to cover the tiredness with make-up...but it doesn't actually work because my eyes definitely get smaller, my skin gets dry, and I still feel ugly.
But now my shoulders hurt, and I need a nap...
what else?
I think I've developed alergies...there's definitely some uncalled-for congestion going on.
All 4 copies of the book I need are gone from the library. Stupid overly popular class of people who don't share...
let's be real, right? you know that 36 people need this book, so why do you check it out? why don't you just copy the freakin' 15 pages and put it back on the shelf?
Cicero, De Oratore....maybe not going to be read...
I'll just concentrate on the Bible-reading portion of this assignment. (Wow, am I really reading the Bible?)
Man, I'm cranky!
That's it; it's nap time; maybe I'll be in a better mood after I wake.
Much love,
$.
but then I learned nothing new and didn't even get to visualize the stratum of things having social relations above the society of alienated people.
So now I have to read the rest of Capital I and I don't really want to.
It's funny how sometimes when I'm tired, I get really talkative and energetic...it's like running on fumes or something...I had a really nice, long lunch with a couple friends, then ran some errands and saw many many more wonderful people...and then I died when I tried to start reading...maybe it was trying to read at the business school that killed me. Maybe I'm just sick of Marx now.
Then people started to get "in the way." you know that feeling? When every time you turn around, some stranger's all up in your piece. It's like you forget the fact that you don't own the world and things/space must be shared--what a bad communist sympathizer I've become!
Funny though, I think I'm still good at smiling on these days...it's sort of like my social reflex.
And I try to cover the tiredness with make-up...but it doesn't actually work because my eyes definitely get smaller, my skin gets dry, and I still feel ugly.
But now my shoulders hurt, and I need a nap...
what else?
I think I've developed alergies...there's definitely some uncalled-for congestion going on.
All 4 copies of the book I need are gone from the library. Stupid overly popular class of people who don't share...
let's be real, right? you know that 36 people need this book, so why do you check it out? why don't you just copy the freakin' 15 pages and put it back on the shelf?
Cicero, De Oratore....maybe not going to be read...
I'll just concentrate on the Bible-reading portion of this assignment. (Wow, am I really reading the Bible?)
Man, I'm cranky!
That's it; it's nap time; maybe I'll be in a better mood after I wake.
Much love,
$.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Man, Commodity Fetishism rules
I'm feeling it again.
It's...electric.
This blog also kind of rules. I only have a vague conception of who reads it, but it's really great to be able to click on another screen and write down my random thoughts as I write papers. It's like an omnipresent journal...
Oh shit, I hope nobody finds my notes on Marxism and persecutes me for being a communist. Do you think George Bush is going to start another Red scare?
Whoa, I just realized I am probably going to attend the American Sociological Association convention in NY instead of the awesome hip-hop fesitval. I'm really getting old...might as well turn in my heels and platforms for orthopedics, get some dentures, and learn to knit right now.
It's...electric.
This blog also kind of rules. I only have a vague conception of who reads it, but it's really great to be able to click on another screen and write down my random thoughts as I write papers. It's like an omnipresent journal...
Oh shit, I hope nobody finds my notes on Marxism and persecutes me for being a communist. Do you think George Bush is going to start another Red scare?
Whoa, I just realized I am probably going to attend the American Sociological Association convention in NY instead of the awesome hip-hop fesitval. I'm really getting old...might as well turn in my heels and platforms for orthopedics, get some dentures, and learn to knit right now.
I am now a member of the American Sociological Association
Haha, makes me feel special.
And I now subscribe to a journal, "Sociological Theory."
I suppose that will have to be my "pleasure read" for the time being.
What else?
Yeah, I hate statistics. My stats professor is so crazy. He's a very disheveled Japanese man who can't teach anything in order. He assembled this packet of notes for the course and while he lectures we jump from page 8 to 13 to 5 for every single simple topic. He studies marijuana use...I think HE's the pothead. Well, really, I think he's cute. As cute as the Assmanns (no, really, the name is actually Assmann) who teach this other class of mine, and as cute as Glaeser, my prof./advisor. Man, why are goofy professors so cute? I wonder if I'm going to start dressing really badly when I finally get a prof. position.
I'm now re-reading Capital I, I think I enjoy it more than early Marx now...it's just so deliciously bitter...like dark chocolate, black coffee, or maybe that weird tea I was once given at Oberlin...the one from somewhere in South America that's over-caffeinated and you drink from that weird little teapot that sorta looks like a small bong. I especially love it when he calls the capitalist "Moneybags."
I acquired (for temporary use) a finger-sized boxing glove. I have enjoyed punching everyone I know with it today. I hope Jean doesn't ask for it back.
Thanks, Di$h, for the song. Who's the artist again? I keep forgetting, but I think I need to purchase this album
Ok, back to value, use-value, exchange value, labor, and surplus value.
hope all is well with everyone out there!
$.
And I now subscribe to a journal, "Sociological Theory."
I suppose that will have to be my "pleasure read" for the time being.
What else?
Yeah, I hate statistics. My stats professor is so crazy. He's a very disheveled Japanese man who can't teach anything in order. He assembled this packet of notes for the course and while he lectures we jump from page 8 to 13 to 5 for every single simple topic. He studies marijuana use...I think HE's the pothead. Well, really, I think he's cute. As cute as the Assmanns (no, really, the name is actually Assmann) who teach this other class of mine, and as cute as Glaeser, my prof./advisor. Man, why are goofy professors so cute? I wonder if I'm going to start dressing really badly when I finally get a prof. position.
I'm now re-reading Capital I, I think I enjoy it more than early Marx now...it's just so deliciously bitter...like dark chocolate, black coffee, or maybe that weird tea I was once given at Oberlin...the one from somewhere in South America that's over-caffeinated and you drink from that weird little teapot that sorta looks like a small bong. I especially love it when he calls the capitalist "Moneybags."
I acquired (for temporary use) a finger-sized boxing glove. I have enjoyed punching everyone I know with it today. I hope Jean doesn't ask for it back.
Thanks, Di$h, for the song. Who's the artist again? I keep forgetting, but I think I need to purchase this album
Ok, back to value, use-value, exchange value, labor, and surplus value.
hope all is well with everyone out there!
$.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
PBS rules
Just saw another really great PBS documentary. This was a Frontline one called "The Persuaders," and it was sooo good. It's about the freaky new forms of advertising and marketing for business and politics...you know, the "manipulate your subliminal mind" kind and the people who create it. Really, the doc just finds the most evil people in the world and shows you their evil deeds. Anyhow, everyone should watch it. You can get it on Netflix.
Weird thing about this evening though. I got pissed off at myself because I stopped reading at 11. I think this school has shifted my entire conception of an acceptable work day. There were always times during college when I worked until 2/3/4 in the morning, but usually I stopped working at 10 or 11 and went to hang out or drink and see people. Now, I wake up earlier and see people in the day, and then often work until I go to bed...whenever an acceptable amount has been completed. I think I'm getting boring...and obsessive...I need to chill out--go out.
Or maybe I'm just using my work as an excuse to not think about being social. Man, this place is socially weird. I mean, I totally appreciate my friends here, but it's so hard to meet new people! You see people in class and in your department--for me, that's like 35 people, tops--and the rest here are total strangers! And they don't seem very keen on getting to know people...(whoa, maybe just me...)
Well, on second thought, I suppose I see and know a lot of people, I just know only a few very well...unlike what I'm used to...miss you guys who read this from far away :'(
I suppose I shouldn't bitch. I should just change my behavior. be "warmer."
Wow, I feel like Doogie Howser...
Weird thing about this evening though. I got pissed off at myself because I stopped reading at 11. I think this school has shifted my entire conception of an acceptable work day. There were always times during college when I worked until 2/3/4 in the morning, but usually I stopped working at 10 or 11 and went to hang out or drink and see people. Now, I wake up earlier and see people in the day, and then often work until I go to bed...whenever an acceptable amount has been completed. I think I'm getting boring...and obsessive...I need to chill out--go out.
Or maybe I'm just using my work as an excuse to not think about being social. Man, this place is socially weird. I mean, I totally appreciate my friends here, but it's so hard to meet new people! You see people in class and in your department--for me, that's like 35 people, tops--and the rest here are total strangers! And they don't seem very keen on getting to know people...(whoa, maybe just me...)
Well, on second thought, I suppose I see and know a lot of people, I just know only a few very well...unlike what I'm used to...miss you guys who read this from far away :'(
I suppose I shouldn't bitch. I should just change my behavior. be "warmer."
Wow, I feel like Doogie Howser...
The Sociology of Taste and a note on "Competification"
I've now decided that my next project will be a sociology of taste--particularly wine tasting. If you're like me, you've tried tasting wine before. When the "sommelier" says "hmm...can you taste the wood? it's almost cinnamon-y" or maybe "it has a slightly chocolatey almost coffee-like flavor," am I the only one who can't taste it but believes and pretends it's there? Am I the only one who has at one time or another thought that the sommelier was only making it up? Am I the only one that "started to taste it" after thinking about it for a long time?
How is our very sensuousness (thought to be entirely personal and internal) influenced by the social? Now, we're not talking about a Bourdieuian type status/class/stratification of sensuousness issue...that wouldn't be so interesting, but what if our own senses really got reprogrammed by social influence? As in, I now taste in this wine, what I believe coffee to taste like, really, in my taste buds, as far as I can tell.
Ok, we need to develop this one a little bit...it is but a seed of an idea.
"Competification" : the act of bringing another person into competition (of course, I recognize that it is impossible to compete without the second person accepting a competitive relationship, but let us simply recognize that one person generally initiates the competition, and the second person simply complies due to necessity)
"Competiphile" : one who constantly initiates competitive relationships whether consciously or sub/unconsciously.
I think I'm being competified by a competiphile, and I don't like it. I'm not quite sure how to deal with it right now. Perhaps I will simply flash the "M."
eh, I'm tired.
Love,
Monica.
How is our very sensuousness (thought to be entirely personal and internal) influenced by the social? Now, we're not talking about a Bourdieuian type status/class/stratification of sensuousness issue...that wouldn't be so interesting, but what if our own senses really got reprogrammed by social influence? As in, I now taste in this wine, what I believe coffee to taste like, really, in my taste buds, as far as I can tell.
Ok, we need to develop this one a little bit...it is but a seed of an idea.
"Competification" : the act of bringing another person into competition (of course, I recognize that it is impossible to compete without the second person accepting a competitive relationship, but let us simply recognize that one person generally initiates the competition, and the second person simply complies due to necessity)
"Competiphile" : one who constantly initiates competitive relationships whether consciously or sub/unconsciously.
I think I'm being competified by a competiphile, and I don't like it. I'm not quite sure how to deal with it right now. Perhaps I will simply flash the "M."
eh, I'm tired.
Love,
Monica.
Monday, April 2, 2007
A note on prospies and social movements
So I've just returned from talking to prospies for 5 hours.
Why is it that everyone who is beginning to study sociology wants to study social movements?
Perhaps this is because EVERYTHING SOCIAL can be considered a social movement. What do those words mean anymore? One can do anything in a group with any sort of group identity and suddenly, one can call it a social movement using some weird form of reasoning. Political process? Terrorism? NGO's and sustainable development? Immigration? Openly expressing yourself and your identity? AAHHH! Hell, I thought I wanted to study social movements when I was just starting out, but the words have lost all meaning.
I did meet one cool girl who goes to Santa Cruz and she was telling me about what I need to do to be in History of Consciousness for a quarter or a year. I think it's more than doable, even though she thinks it might be really hard to get in with Angela Davis, if that's my goal. I just want to learn about feminism and critical race theory in a Redwood forest. Is that so wrong? I want to be around people who share my skewed perspective on the world and re-radicalize. I want fresh produce all the time. I want to learn to wind surf, baby.
I'm gonna do it...for totally.
And Di$h, you say you got me covered on the song, but I don't want your commitment, I want ACTION.
Much love to all before I write a Marxism paper,
Monica.
Why is it that everyone who is beginning to study sociology wants to study social movements?
Perhaps this is because EVERYTHING SOCIAL can be considered a social movement. What do those words mean anymore? One can do anything in a group with any sort of group identity and suddenly, one can call it a social movement using some weird form of reasoning. Political process? Terrorism? NGO's and sustainable development? Immigration? Openly expressing yourself and your identity? AAHHH! Hell, I thought I wanted to study social movements when I was just starting out, but the words have lost all meaning.
I did meet one cool girl who goes to Santa Cruz and she was telling me about what I need to do to be in History of Consciousness for a quarter or a year. I think it's more than doable, even though she thinks it might be really hard to get in with Angela Davis, if that's my goal. I just want to learn about feminism and critical race theory in a Redwood forest. Is that so wrong? I want to be around people who share my skewed perspective on the world and re-radicalize. I want fresh produce all the time. I want to learn to wind surf, baby.
I'm gonna do it...for totally.
And Di$h, you say you got me covered on the song, but I don't want your commitment, I want ACTION.
Much love to all before I write a Marxism paper,
Monica.
A note on MasKulinity
Turn the "West side" hand symbol upside down and create an "M" for masKulinity.
Yes, masKulinity, a.k.a. the "mask of masculinity." PBS attributes increasing rates of violence among young American males to this "mask of masculinity," or the social need to outwardly conform to norms of masculine behavior. So, girls, if you ever think a dude just "frontin,'" tryin' to be all tough and dat, and you think he's just trying to hide the fact that he's weak and prissy inside, flash the "M."
Yes, masKulinity, a.k.a. the "mask of masculinity." PBS attributes increasing rates of violence among young American males to this "mask of masculinity," or the social need to outwardly conform to norms of masculine behavior. So, girls, if you ever think a dude just "frontin,'" tryin' to be all tough and dat, and you think he's just trying to hide the fact that he's weak and prissy inside, flash the "M."
Sicko
Uh-huh, Rich, just got your message. Sorry, my phone was off last night.
It doesn't matter how wasted you were. You are still a sicko.
It doesn't matter how wasted you were. You are still a sicko.
Hello 4/2/07
Shout out to Travis for reading this thing! Good luck on your travels and re-learning English!
Di$h - I still need a copy of "Grinding." "Grin-DING!"
Di$h - I still need a copy of "Grinding." "Grin-DING!"
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Here's my blog. This is for you, Estelle Dishelman.
So I've created a blog in order to spend even more time putzing around on the internet! Hopefully, Eli will also be a little more informed about my life because I miss you!
But really, this is for you, Di$h, so you can stay updated on my life while I'm busy and uncommunicative and you're "jobbinit."
So here's what's up with my life...a bunch of recent random thoughts:
I've been cooking waaay too much lately. You see, if and when I have free time and I'm already too hungover to be social, I tend to go grocery shopping. This is a pretty new practice. I go buy things like fresh bread, which I really love, but I can never finish a whole loaf because I live alone now (for the first time EVER, I remind you), first press unfiltered imported olive oil, weird fake meats, weird real meats, bavarian pretzels, strange fruit juices that are either antioxidant or contain algae, and massive amounts of produce. So I have a fridge full of food that will go bad and I will still get much fatter.
I went out to brunch with my family today. My dad's been in town and he's going back to China tomorrow.
Here's to you Eli, he keeps pressuring me to come to China, which I will do when I have a month off. Maybe next winter? Eli, you still going to be there? Anyway, I'm starting to feel bad about my [lack of] relationship with him. I mean, I think I have ample reason to hate him, but he's been trying to be affectionate lately, which is new. So, naturally, he still doesn't know what I (obsessively) study or anything else about my life (what else is there?!??!?!). He still hasn't told me he's remarried. But he gave me a book of signed blank checks for emergencies! (Cha-ching!) So at least he's keeping up the only thing he was ever good at.
I am currently very disappointed that my summer plans have been disrupted by the selling-out of Rock the Bells tickets. They're going for $200 a piece on Ebay now. I think I will have to wait a few weeks and see if they get any cheaper on Ebay. But then again, I may just pay the $200. It seems worth it for that day. Either way, I still promise to come to NY over the summer. Maybe over my birthday whether I can get the fest ticket or not.
This festival situation makes me reflect on what's changed about me since I came back to the U.S. and started school. What happened to my "just do it" attitude? I think and worry about everything now! it's like I've devolved as a person. I've re-adopted that "but I have too much work to do and I don't want to worry about it right now" attitude. If I think I want to go somewhere, I need to just commit and buy the tickets. If I wait, they'll be gone! My friend Andrea told me about the festival before the ticket pre-sale and since I waited 4 days, I'm now screwed out of at least $120. Anyone want to go to Brazil with me? let's buy tickets right now!!!!! for serious!!! Come to Berlin with me? Rich, I really am thinking about it. (And BTW, Rich, I got your phone message...sicko.)
God, I've also become an overconsuming bourgeois bitch again. I don't know what happened! Just 2 years ago, I threw out/donated almost everything I owned and moved all over the place with 2 suitcases. Now I'm buying things all the time strictly for entertainment. The more I buy, the more I reorganize, the more I find things I thought were lost, the more I realize I never needed to buy the new stuff in the first place. *sigh*
I still haven't looked at summer language courses either, but yo, I think I will have to say "screw French, let's learn Serbo-Croatian." Or maybe Mandarin...stop being a Chinese illiterate too...Make them glad they didn't send me down the river!!!
What else? Oh, I spent some time this weekend partying with and harrassing prospies. I freaked them out with my ideological conversion theory...It was truly glorious. And finally, for 2 nights in a row, I had groups of friends over just chilling out till...5am?. It felt like the glory of undergrad reemerging. Yeah, thanks for the half-eaten pretzels strewn all over my apartment, Toussaint. =)
I will totally have to move over the summer to a bigger place. My hole is really inadequate for hosting. My department gets prospies next weekend and Suzy's coming (yay!!!!).
More loose thoughts? I'm re-reading Marx yet again. But I do seem to get something different out of it every time. I really think that all the reading I did in college doesn't count anymore and it needs to be done again, which is sad because I read some really cool stuff.
I think I need to get back to work, but much love to everyone keeping up with me through this new medium!
But really, this is for you, Di$h, so you can stay updated on my life while I'm busy and uncommunicative and you're "jobbinit."
So here's what's up with my life...a bunch of recent random thoughts:
I've been cooking waaay too much lately. You see, if and when I have free time and I'm already too hungover to be social, I tend to go grocery shopping. This is a pretty new practice. I go buy things like fresh bread, which I really love, but I can never finish a whole loaf because I live alone now (for the first time EVER, I remind you), first press unfiltered imported olive oil, weird fake meats, weird real meats, bavarian pretzels, strange fruit juices that are either antioxidant or contain algae, and massive amounts of produce. So I have a fridge full of food that will go bad and I will still get much fatter.
I went out to brunch with my family today. My dad's been in town and he's going back to China tomorrow.
Here's to you Eli, he keeps pressuring me to come to China, which I will do when I have a month off. Maybe next winter? Eli, you still going to be there? Anyway, I'm starting to feel bad about my [lack of] relationship with him. I mean, I think I have ample reason to hate him, but he's been trying to be affectionate lately, which is new. So, naturally, he still doesn't know what I (obsessively) study or anything else about my life (what else is there?!??!?!). He still hasn't told me he's remarried. But he gave me a book of signed blank checks for emergencies! (Cha-ching!) So at least he's keeping up the only thing he was ever good at.
I am currently very disappointed that my summer plans have been disrupted by the selling-out of Rock the Bells tickets. They're going for $200 a piece on Ebay now. I think I will have to wait a few weeks and see if they get any cheaper on Ebay. But then again, I may just pay the $200. It seems worth it for that day. Either way, I still promise to come to NY over the summer. Maybe over my birthday whether I can get the fest ticket or not.
This festival situation makes me reflect on what's changed about me since I came back to the U.S. and started school. What happened to my "just do it" attitude? I think and worry about everything now! it's like I've devolved as a person. I've re-adopted that "but I have too much work to do and I don't want to worry about it right now" attitude. If I think I want to go somewhere, I need to just commit and buy the tickets. If I wait, they'll be gone! My friend Andrea told me about the festival before the ticket pre-sale and since I waited 4 days, I'm now screwed out of at least $120. Anyone want to go to Brazil with me? let's buy tickets right now!!!!! for serious!!! Come to Berlin with me? Rich, I really am thinking about it. (And BTW, Rich, I got your phone message...sicko.)
God, I've also become an overconsuming bourgeois bitch again. I don't know what happened! Just 2 years ago, I threw out/donated almost everything I owned and moved all over the place with 2 suitcases. Now I'm buying things all the time strictly for entertainment. The more I buy, the more I reorganize, the more I find things I thought were lost, the more I realize I never needed to buy the new stuff in the first place. *sigh*
I still haven't looked at summer language courses either, but yo, I think I will have to say "screw French, let's learn Serbo-Croatian." Or maybe Mandarin...stop being a Chinese illiterate too...Make them glad they didn't send me down the river!!!
What else? Oh, I spent some time this weekend partying with and harrassing prospies. I freaked them out with my ideological conversion theory...It was truly glorious. And finally, for 2 nights in a row, I had groups of friends over just chilling out till...5am?. It felt like the glory of undergrad reemerging. Yeah, thanks for the half-eaten pretzels strewn all over my apartment, Toussaint. =)
I will totally have to move over the summer to a bigger place. My hole is really inadequate for hosting. My department gets prospies next weekend and Suzy's coming (yay!!!!).
More loose thoughts? I'm re-reading Marx yet again. But I do seem to get something different out of it every time. I really think that all the reading I did in college doesn't count anymore and it needs to be done again, which is sad because I read some really cool stuff.
I think I need to get back to work, but much love to everyone keeping up with me through this new medium!
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